I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
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You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
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Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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