It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
