I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
