Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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