i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
