I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
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