If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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