lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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