go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
