apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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