Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
