I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize