Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
