My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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