She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
