I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
