I wish I could punch you in the face.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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