I love black thongs
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
