South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
