I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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