No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
