Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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