Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
