Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
