I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
