Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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