Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
