The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
