well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
