Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
