Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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