D3 body, D1 cock
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
