dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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