I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
