guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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