Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
