Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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