I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
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