So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
