Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
