A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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