we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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