you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
