Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
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The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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