JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
