so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My dick has a subreddit
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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