I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
