you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
