apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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