First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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