I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
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I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
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You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar