It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
