everyone is single if you try hard enough
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
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you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
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I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home