For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend