mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I love having hate sex.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!