Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon