Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
