she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
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He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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