I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
