So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
