Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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