He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
