Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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