I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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