And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
