Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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