i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize