i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
