Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
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stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
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so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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