you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
