Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
bring money and cleavage
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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