i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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