My sheets look like a crime scene.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
