What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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