did you get engaged???
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
