If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize