69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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