you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
