I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
