The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
