Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
