It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
