she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
This is my gift to your gina
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
