You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
